What You Want to Hear

Do you remember being a little kid and asking an adult (a parent, a babysitter, a grandparent -- whomever) a question? You would never really be satisfied with the answer they gave you. Instead, you'd continually ask why -- at least, I did.

See, since my memory isn't exactly the greatest thing the world, I don't really have an "earliest childhood memory." Not a specific one, anyway. What I do remember in particular, though are the countless times I said, "why," to my parents when I was younger.

I was a pretty curious kid when I was little -- I think we all were at some point in our lives. I would ask a question, an adult would answer me. Not stopping there, I'd usually respond with, "Why?" To which the adult I was talking to would reply, "Because," and be done with it....or so they thought. But I -- being the crafty little angel that I was (not conceited at all) -- continued with, "Because why?"

Now, the response to that question would usually depend on who I was talking to. If I was talking to my dad -- or any other adult, really -- he would usually try and explain things to me. But if I was talking to my mom, I was usually met with, "Because I said so."

Over time I grew to accept what my mother told me and stopped asking why. Sure, I was still curious -- in some ways, I'm still just as inquisitive now as I was back then. I just leaned not to ask.

It took me a while, but I finally realized that there was a problem with that. It's human nature to be curious and it's normal for us to ask, "why." People who try to stifle that aren't helping us at all. They're only hurting us.

That little realization didn't dawn on me until about a year and a half ago. And it took someone from the outside to help me see it -- to teach me that blind acceptance isn't healthy for anyone.

Of course, there's a flip side to that, too. While blindly accepting things and never asking why can be unhealthy, asking questions can be bad, too. There's some truth to the saying, "Curiosity killed the cat" -- a lot of truth, actually. Sometimes, it's just better not to know.

See, when you ask questions, you start to get answers. That sounds dumb, I know, but it's true. If you ask a question, you aren't guaranteed to get an answer that you'll like. Trust me, I know. I know because it happened to me.

I found out things about my family. I learned things that I would rather not have known. And, once I knew, I could no longer be satisfied with maintaining the status quo.

I started to do anything to challenge that status quo. That started to cause some problems. In hindsight, I probably could have handled things better. Should have handled things better. Maybe if I had there wouldn't have been such a huge misunderstanding. Maybe I wouldn't have had to see that scared little boy about two months ago -- the one that I didn't realize had, up until that point in time, remained hidden inside that then-eighteen year old.

I've said it before -- to him, actually -- and I'll say it again: I never want to see that scared little child again. Worse, I never want to see him again, knowing that I brought that out in him. That my actions had a hand in bringing him out in the open.

But I do know one thing: I'm not going back to living my life the way I did before -- blindly accepting everything, never asking why. I can't go back. However, I realize that I can't make the same mistakes, either.

Curiosity is a double-edged sword. Certain questions lead to certain answers. You may not always like the answer you receive, but that doesn't change the fact that it's the answer you will get.

So, be careful about the questions you ask. Don't ask a question unless you are prepared to hear the answer, whether you want to hear it or not.