Head Games

I don't understand this. I can't even begin to decipher why this is happening to me. And I can't seem to shake the feeling that I will probably need several sessions of therapy before this all goes away.

Hm. So maybe I should back up. I may have already confused some people.

I've been on campus at UK for about a week now. I've managed to make it through three days of classes without any real hiccups (unless you count my freaking out due to a very minor miscommunication). Yet, today after making it all the way to Kennedy's Bookstore (a bookstore on the other side of campus) to return a book, I realized that I didn't have my receipt with me.

Now, I was still able to buy a book that I needed, so it wasn't a completely wasted trip. But it left me feeling extremely dumb -- especially when you consider the fact that I had just had that receipt out this morning before leaving for Kennedy's. And now, I'll have to go back up there between classes tomorrow. The ride back from campus wasn't a fun one, to say the least. The whole time all I could hear was my mother's voice ringing in my ears. "How could you be so stupid?" "Why would you do that?" "That was really dumb." Comments that I have grown up hearing from her for the past 18 years. They never failed to surface whenever I'd make a mistake.

Not exactly what you would call encouraging. What bothered me the most about it, though (besides my forcing a certain person to sit through my blubbering on the issue -- that bothers me. A lot.) is the fact that, while she isn't even anywhere near me, my mother still manages to get inside my head. Even after two months of living without her.

If things are going to be this bad when she's not around, what will things be like when she comes up to visit? Because that's what she wants to do. She and my stepdad want to come up and visit me here, see my dorm, meet my roommate, etc.

Just when I think I've got things under control, just when I feel like I'm making some kind of progress here on my own, something pops out of the woodwork to ensure that I don't feel that way any more.