Tired

I'm really getting tired of this. I'm tired of waiting for you to be the adult that you're supposed to be. I'm tired of getting my hopes up, of thinking that we can actually get along together as mother and daughter, only to have them crash to the ground. The way they always do. I'm tired of crying when it does.

I find it amazing that you can go on Facebook to see what I'm doing, (I know it's me you're checking up on because you don't have any other friends on there) but you can't send me an e-mail to ask me how I'm doing. Not even when you haven't seen me for a week!

Honestly, I expected more from you. I mean, I'm your daughter. Doesn't that mean anything to you?! I wish I knew what you were trying to accomplish with your actions -- if you're doing this to try and maintain a relationship with me, I'm going to tell you it isn't going to work. I'm surprised you think that it will.

I said I'm tired and I am. I'm tired of always being the one to make contact. I'm tired of always being the one trying to keep this up. I'm tired of caring. But most of all, I'm tired of pretending that I don't care. I'm so tired of trying to convince myself that not having a relationship with you doesn't matter to me. Because it does. It matters a lot.

I just wish it mattered as much to you as it does to me. Obviously, it doesn't. I wish I mattered more to you.